For the Don Fulano, I want to head in two very different directions to describe what I think this tequila is all about. And those two directions, oddly enough, are (retired) Cincinnati Reds baseball player Joey Votto, and what many women actually want in a man.
Onto take number one. If you haven’t heard of Joey Votto, he’s a person who’s at the very least interesting enough to pay attention to. He’s funny, sharp, hard working, and put up some good numbers. To parse what Baseball Reference had to say, over the course of his career, he alone would have been accountable for 64 more wins than you would have gotten from some average dude. He played 44% better than a replacement-level player at the major league level. 30% of the time, the guy could be counted on to put the ball in play, and 40% of the time, he would wind up on first base.
And yet, Joey Votto himself says that he’s probably not Hall of Fame material, though perhaps eligible to get into hall of very good baseball players, as he responded to “Mad Dog” Russo. He was beloved in Cincinnati, and those deep in the know sing his praises, but it’s not like the Reds of the Joey Votto played for were lighting baseball on fire—they’ve had seven winning seasons in the twenty-first century.
“I’m not damning the Don Fulano Reposado with faint praise. It’s tasty, well made, and indeed gets my recommendation. I just wish I could point to something it does better than anything else.”
Shifting gears: you’ve heard the tropes that women dig bad boys. In a modern context, that same phenomenon has given rise to the “ladder theory” of male-female relationships and the genesis of the term “Friendzoned.”
Make no mistake: I do think that showing up and providing are indeed masculine qualities, and women are definitely attracted to stability and forthrightness. (I am not a woman, but I have talked to a few of them.) However, I don’t think an alleged twenty thousand women slept with Wilt Chamberlain because he was a nice guy. I think it was, to state the obvious, because Wilt was exciting.
And so it goes with the Don Fulano. I’d agree it should be enshrined in the hall of “very good tequila,” and it does indeed check all of the quality boxes. It even delivers a flavor profile that is traditional and effortlessly enjoyable. But, damn it, I’m just not in love.
So let’s start with the good. I learned about Don Fulano as a result of browsing Tequila Matchmaker in an effort to find the next Fortaleza. Once you filter out the tequilas you simply cannot get around you and limited-edition bottles that push upwards of $100, the Don Fulano line avails itself exceptionally well. And again, it does so within a pool of people who are, for better or for worse, very picky.
The aroma is good: there’s citrus and grilled fruit that combines well with a woody note of cedar, and just a little pink pencil eraser that might technically be a flaw, but adds just a little weird in there to be interesting. Tasting the Don Fulano, it’s again very good. The vanilla and brown butter hallmarks are there, and you get just a little bit of a turn towards the end into some starchy sweet potato and gummy mochi.
Is the finish also very good? You betcha. It’s arguably the tequila’s best quality. The spirit finishes with a pleasant rush of sweetness, with cake frosting and those butterscotch candies that Grandma loves, but it ends on a note of adult sophistication with some cooked vegetables and a tea-like note that pull the overall experience back from being too saccharine.
All that said, I wish I could point to something that the Don Fulano reposado does better than anything else. It gives me some gentle and sweet vanilla and agave, sure. It has a price point that doesn’t break the bank—great. It doesn’t singe my throat or shock my nose when I smell it. But I can’t stop making eyes at the Tapatio and its goofy ass bottle. Through all of the “nice” that Don Fulano has to give me, a part of me thinks about going back to Don Felix.
I’m not damning Don Fulano with faint praise. It’s tasty, well made, and indeed gets my recommendation. I probably would buy it again. It reaches up and touches the ceiling of excellence, but I’d argue the lack of excitement or a truly signature quality prevents it from breaking through to the next level.
