A long while back, a music reviewer I liked wrote about “the Rumpelstiltskin effect.” You might remember this fairy tale as the one where once the antagonist's name is uttered aloud, he disappears into a puff of smoke.
With respect to criticism, you'll find some writers out there in print or online that just seem to hate everything. Don't get me wrong: a juicy hit piece is fun to read (and fun to write). Personally, I find it tiresome if a writer only has negative opinions to share, but you'd be surprised by how one can build a dedicated following this way. Often, there’s a sense of intrigue and mystique as readers wonder if there’s anything under the sun that will be judged as satisfactory.
That bubble bursts when the reviewer finally admits what it is that he or she actually likes. At this point, any readers who envisioned themselves as equally “critical” now have all of the ammunition needed to turn the tables. “Ha!” They exclaim: “That guy liked this thing, which we all agree is not good at all! Let's pull out the torches and burn his house down!”
“Whaler’s is my go-to for “dark rum,” and I find it bats all out of proportion to its price.”
Getting to the point: I really like Whaler's. It is a $13 rum made in Kentucky to hit a “value” price point. Almost assuredly, Whaler’s is food-colored to shit. I doubt it has any influence from master distillers or cask aging or anything else that delineates a “craft” product.
All of that may give you what you finally needed to Alt+F4 the site into oblivion and never take anything I say seriously ever again, because clearly my taste buds are shot and I have absolutely no business posing as an expert if I’m about to debase myself for such a pedestrian rum. Some will come to the conclusion that this should be the easiest bar for me to jump over, and it’s nothing short of alarming that I did not.
I'll pause for a beat to let you consider the gravity of my sin.
Still with me? Wonderful.
Let me first offer a timid caveat. I would not recommend Whaler's in the same application I would with the Plantation XO (hell, any Plantation rum), or the higher-end El Dorados, or the sophisticated Agricola rums that Clement produces. If you want to pour a spirit over ice at the end of a long day and feel like you're the king of all creation, Whaler's ain't it. This is not a “sippin' rum.”
In fact, it’s kind of weird if sipped by itself. I can personally hang with it, but I wouldn’t expect others to join me. Whaler’s is a very dry and medicinal rum, with oodles of baking spice, tobacco, vanilla, and molasses. It doesn’t leave a person with a lot of sweetness or caramelized sugars anywhere along the tasting journey, making it odd as far as the category goes. In a cocktail, however, its rawness drops away.
I’d argue that with Whaler's at your side, you can abandon any need to buy something labeled a “dark rum” again. It's better than Meyer's, better than Kraken, and even better than spiced rums like Sailor Jerry's. It provides backbone and presence in just about any Tiki cocktail that calls for dark rum, and it will instantly ratchet up the quality of a Rum Mule or Cuba Libre.
I think Whaler’s works so well in these applications precisely because it’s so dry. If it’s being added to cola or pineapple juice, there will be ample sugar in the final drink already. Instead, Whaler’s provides the taste of things like molasses and baking chocolate (along with a wonderful complexity of various other secondary flavors), but it keeps sweetness from running amok.
Again, it doesn’t avail itself well on its own, and there are some people who feel everything in the spirit world should be held to that standard. Here, I give a big round of applause to those writers who never allow themselves to judge a spirit based on its application in cocktails. They're stronger than I am. (Can I further admit, that in my weakness, I sometimes dip my Oreos in milk? Or that I sometimes combine my deli meats with bread, cheese, and vegetables, even when I know in my heart of hearts it will cause me to be less able to critically evaluate the quality of those meats?)
Supposing, however, that you need a staple for your home bar? Whaler’s is my go-to for “dark rum,” and I find it bats all out of proportion to its price. Alternately, if you want to see if I’m full of crap in recommending this stuff, it will cost you a whole $13 to take the ride.
